How to Lower Your Standards in Dating (Without Settling)?

If your Female Delusion Calculator result is under 2%, some of your filters are cutting out good people for the wrong reasons. Here’s how to fix that without compromising on what actually matters.

Settling vs. Lowering Standards: What’s the Difference?

Settling (don’t do this)	Lowering standards (smart)
Accepting someone who disrespects you	Dropping the 6-foot height requirement
Staying with someone dishonest	Opening your age range by ±5 years
Ignoring incompatible life goals	Not requiring a specific income level
Tolerating emotional unavailability	Being open to different body types

Step 1 — Split Your Standards Into Two Lists

Write down every preference you have. Then ask: “Has this actually made my past relationships better or worse?”

• Keep firm: Honesty, respect, no abuse, shared values, emotional availability, compatible life goals.
• Get flexible on: Exact height, income threshold, narrow age range, specific body type, and educational credentials.

The first list predicts relationship success. The second doesn’t — per 40 years of research from the Gottman Institute.

Step 2 — Run the Numbers

Use the Female Delusion Calculator. If you’re under 2%, try removing one filter at a time and see how the number changes. That shows you which preferences are most restrictive.

Example: removing the 6-foot height requirement and replacing it with 5’10″+ doubles your eligible pool in most cases.

Step 3 — Expand Your Age Range

Age range is one of the easiest standards to adjust with the biggest payoff. Pew Research shows 45% of US couples have a 3+ year age gap. Widening your range from ±2 years to ±5 years roughly doubles the eligible pool.

Check what’s normal with our Relationship Age Gap Calculator.

Step 4 — Give People More Than One Chance

Eli Finkel at Northwestern University found that first impressions in dating have very low predictive validity. Many couples who married had no immediate “spark” at first meeting.

People with secure attachment styles are often quieter early on. The intense, instant attraction that feels like chemistry often indicates an anxious attachment style — which research links to less stable relationships.

Step 5 — Change How You Meet People

If you rely solely on dating apps, your sample is skewed. Apps sort people by photos, which amplifies physical standards. In-person contexts — hobbies, work, social groups — let you evaluate the whole person before applying any filter.

What to Never Lower

• Honesty and no sustained deception
• Mutual respect — no contempt or dismissal
• Physical and emotional safety
• Compatible life goals (children, location, lifestyle)
• Absence of abuse in any form

These are the standards that directly determine whether a relationship is healthy or harmful. They’re non-negotiable. Everything else is a preference.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is lowering your standards the same as settling?

No. Settling means accepting someone who mistreats you or conflicts with your core values. Lowering standards means removing filters — like exact height or income — that have no proven link to relationship happiness.

How do I know if my standards are too high?

If your Female Delusion Calculator result is under 2%, your combined standards filter out 98%+ of real people. That’s a practical signal worth examining.

What standards should I never compromise on?

Honesty, mutual respect, absence of abuse, emotional safety, and compatible life goals. These are backed by research as genuine predictors of relationship quality and longevity.

See also: List of Relationship Standards | Dating Standards Test | Red Flag Calculator